


Color Me In

by noonetofangirlwith



Category: K-pop, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Changpil, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Oh, Or not, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soulmates, also these tags are horrible, can't believe i almost forgot those, changlix, enjoy, i am not completely sure where i am going with this story yet, i should just shut up now, i'll shut up now, idk how to tag, kudos to you if you read all these tags, only kind of sure, well I think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2019-09-28 01:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17173154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noonetofangirlwith/pseuds/noonetofangirlwith
Summary: Felix wasn't sure what he had expected when he moved from Sydney to Seoul to be with his soulmate, but it sure as hell wasn't this.





	1. Chapter 1

 

Most people remembered the colorlessness until the day they died. Grays and blacks etched into their memories even years after rainbows gained their rightful pigments. Felix could only remember color. He had met his soulmate when he was only 8 years old, and while memories of the colorlessness had lasted for a while, his brain had slowly begun to color them in as time passed. If anyone were to ask him today, he could remember the reds and greens of his first Christmases, and the pinkish hue of the flowers he passed on his way to his first day of school. The shades of grays he had actually seen at the time, were all but forgotten.

Over the years, he had gotten mixed reactions when people found out he had met his soulmate at such a young age. He had been met with glee, sadness, anger, and jealousy. The pity came later. Pity came when they figured out the details. Pity came when they heard Felix and his soulmate lived on different continents.

At first, this hadn’t bothered Felix. When he was a kid, the word “soulmate” meant very little to him. Sure, the sudden colors had been cool, and he and his soulmate had made quick friends, despite not speaking the same language at the time. And while he had been sad when it was time to go back to Australia, the feeling had quickly disappeared, cause how cool was it to have a pen pal in _South Korea_?!

It didn’t bother him until he entered high-school. When people started shamelessly dating, regardless of whether or not the other person colored in their world. Every time a new couple spurred, he would feel a prick of sadness. A hint of jealousy. While most of the happy couples had no future – as they weren’t destined to end up together – Felix envied them. He wished he could have fun, go on dates, and be carelessly in love, even with the knowledge it would end. But he couldn’t. They were all just passing time, waiting for that special someone. Felix had already found him – he just wasn’t there.

 

Felix didn’t remember the colorlessness, but he remembered the first time he had seen color vividly. His family had been on vacation in Seoul and had been out shopping. It had been boring, his parents dragging him from store to store, sometimes making him try on some clothes, sometimes just pulling him along while they looked at random stuff. Felix had felt someone staring at him just as his mom had grabbed his arm to make sure she didn’t lose him in the horde of people as they moved on to the next store. His head had snapped around and for a second, he had caught sight of a boy before the crowd swallowed him. The boy’s t-shirt had looked weird. Felix didn’t know what the weird thing was at the time, but it had later become one of his favorite things in the world. His t-shirt had been green.

As he walked through more stores that day, he had noticed that there were several things that shared the weird quality of the t-shirt; the keychain hanging on the purse of a passing woman, some of the plants in the mall. Even his own bracelet, which he had had for months at that point, suddenly possessed this new weirdness.

The feeling that someone was staring at him returned about half an hour later, and when Felix turned around, he had locked eyes with the boy for a couple of seconds, before a woman had dragged the boy off in a different direction. The woman’s bag had had a weirdness too. But this weirdness was different than the one of the t-shirt and the keychain and the plants.

There were suddenly a lot of things with this weirdness too. The new sweater his mom decided to buy him and the hair of the lady who sold it to them, the rose a guy handed to his girlfriend and the blood on her finger as she pricked it on one of the thorns. They all possessed this new weirdness.

The next time he saw the boy was when his parents had decided to sit down at a café and buy him ice cream. He had been studying the sprinkles on his ice-cream – some of which possessed these new weirdnesses – when he felt it. Someone was staring at him again. It took him a moment to locate the boy this time. The weirdness of his shirt was quickly accompanied by other weirdnesses. The boy’s eyes were suddenly weird too, and when Felix looked back at his parents, their skin had a weirdness to it as well. He must have looked confused, cause worry was evident on their newly weird faces. Felix looked back at the boy, who he realized carried an expression that probably mirrored his own, and Felix realized the boy was seeing the weirdnesses too.

The boy had said something to the woman with the bag, who for a second looked just as confused as Felix felt before realization hit her face. She looked over at Felix and then back at the boy. Without a warning, she grabbed the boy’s arm and pulled him in the direction of Felix and his parents. The woman had said something to Felix parents, something that Felix couldn’t understand, while Felix had gone back to studying the sprinkles on his now melting ice cream. They all had a weirdness to them now. Some had the weirdness of the t-shirt, and some the weirdness of the bag, but some of them had new weirdnesses altogether. He didn’t realize it at the time, but the boy was doing the same, studying the newfound weirdness of the sprinkles on Felix’s ice cream.

Studying the color neither had been able to see before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If not, sorry for wasting your time. Next chapter will be up within the next couple of days. (she said, to her zero readers)


	2. Chapter 2

 

After they had parted ways that first day, Felix’s parents had sat him down to explain to him what had happened and what it meant. “The new things you are seeing are called colors.” His mother had said. “It means that, when you grow up, that boy is gonna be to you what your father is too me.”

The two boys had met up quite a few times in the following week. The language barrier hadn’t been much of a barrier at all, and by the time Felix and his family had to go back to Sydney, the two boys had grown close friends, despite not understanding many of the words the other was saying.

In the weeks after his family went back to Australia, Felix had been in a state of constant wonder, rediscovering everything in full color. _Everything_ had these beautiful weirdnesses to them. Even the things that were actually gray seemed different surrounded by the new colors. Learning the names of all these new colors was difficult, but he quickly got into the habit of naming the colors of everything he saw in his head as he saw it. When he got more comfortable with the new names, he started commenting on every color he saw. This gained cute a few strange and surprised looks from strangers he passed on the street, some because they were surprised the young child could see the colors, others because they didn’t yet have the ability to see them themselves.

After a while, Felix could name every color with pretty good accuracy, and he stopped commenting on the color every single thing he saw. Instead, he started muttering the things names in Korean, as he slowly began to learn the language of his soulmate. He knew that somewhere in Seoul, the boy was doing the same, learning English.

 

Felix wasn’t sure when it had been decided that he would attend university in Seoul. He knew it must have been a discussion at some point – Seoul or Sydney, which one of them would uproot their entire life and move to a foreign country? – but as he boarded the plane, he couldn’t remember when or why he had agreed to that person being him.

They had first talked about it when he was 11, but at the time it had only been a conversation about how cool it would be if they lived closer to each other. At the time it had been a dream, a “what if”, far from being a reality. At the time it had been nothing more than a fun thought.

The actual discussion had come much later, and somehow Felix had ended up being the one to leave his life behind to start over in Seoul. Somehow, at some point, the fun thought had become real. The move had become reality, and as he sat on the plane, Felix wasn’t sure if it was a fun thought anymore. As he sat on the plane, all it brought him was anxiety.

No, Felix wasn’t sure when it had all been decided, but as he stepped off the plane, he felt more anxious than ever. He didn’t know _anyone_ in Korea except Changbin and his family. He had no friends there. What if Changbin grew tired of him? What would he do then? He would have nowhere to go. He had no one.

Felix spotted his boyfriend, and all the stress and worry he felt melted away. At that point, Felix hadn’t seen Changbin in person in almost a year, – frequent visits had become hard as they had grown older – when the boy had flown out to Australia for two weeks of vacation.  The colors, while ever-present since their first meeting, had seemed more vibrant for those two weeks, though he suspected it was just his brain reacting to the sheer ecstasy of being close to his soulmate.

A smile spread across Felix’s face as he looked at him. He looked absolutely _ridiculous_. Changbin had always done this, every single time they met for the first time in a while, but consumed by stress, Felix had completely forgotten about Changbins little tradition. He had outdone himself this time.

He was wearing a bright green t-shirt, but usually, it stopped there. This time however, his pants were green, he had a green hat, and he was wearing green-rimmed glasses. He also had green mittens (even though it was mid-summer), and a green backpack hung over his shoulder. He looked insane, but Felix loved the gesture. Still, hadn’t he been so happy to see Changbin, Felix would have been embarrassed to be seen with him.

Felix started making his way through the crowd, muttering quick apologizes as he intersected peoples paths. He hadn’t been spotted yet, his outfit not sticking out quite as much as Changbins. He stopped a couple of paces away from him. It took Changbin another couple of seconds to spot him.

“Felix!” A smile grew on his face, and he pulled the other boy into a hug.

“You look ridiculous.”

“So do you.”

“I’m wearing my normal clothes!”

“I know.”

 

The next few days consisted of unpacking and odd dates that Felix wasn’t sure he could really call dates at all. They didn’t do any coupley stuff or go any coupley places, instead, Changbin dragged Felix around the city showing him all the unusual and quirky places he had discovered in his years of living there. Felix was pretty sure half these places Changbin was ‘showing’ him were actually Changbin being too stubborn to admit he was lost. And while he was pretty sure traveling halfway across the city only to end up watching a street performer who ate all the coins he received after each song performed was just this, he was enjoying himself.

As the start of the semester neared, Changbin, somewhat reluctantly, showed him around campus, not very happy with the thought of summer break ending. Felix didn’t care much about it though, cause for every day that passed, he became more certain of it; the fun thought that had briefly become filled with anxiety, was happier than he could have ever imagined.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, this was an attempt at a second chapter... tbh, i struggled writing this, and i am still not really happy with it, but hope you enjoyed. i will try to get the next chapter up in the next couple of days, but i am currently swamped with important assignments, so i won't make any promises. (she said, not sure if anyone will even want to keep reading at this point)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to my dear friend who guilted me into giving her the link to my story, if you are still reading it, STOP! and to my sister, who managed to find this story, simply because she recognizes my writing style (stalker), you are super lame (and stop reading if you still are). to anyone else, idk why you are still reading this, but thank you, and i hope you enjoy.

 

They hadn’t planned on spending their last vacation day cooped up in their apartment. Initially, they had had lots of plans for the day, but when their alarm had gone off that morning they had taken one look at each other and come to a mutual agreement – _fuck it_ – and gone back to sleep.

By the time they got out of bed it was midday and while there was still plenty of time to go do something, they decided to spend the day being as lazy as humanly possible. This involved lots of videogames, TV, and boardgames.

The apartment door was only opened twice that day, once when their neighbor knocked to ask if they had seen her cat, and once when the food they ordered arrived.

The day was perfect until the very end of it. Or rather, until it didn’t end.

Felix hadn’t had trouble sleeping for ages, so he had no idea what was keeping him up that night. Despite sleeping in that day, they had both decided to go to sleep relatively early that night as school started the next day. Changbin had fallen asleep pretty much instantly, leaving Felix to his own thoughts.  He hadn’t been stressed about starting university at all. Sure, it had taken him a while to get used to the thought of his classes being in Korean, and he wasn’t thrilled about having to start over again socially, but he had never once been worried about it. Yet, as the start ticked nearer, he felt himself growing more and more restless, sleep slipping further and further from his grasp.

He had been tossing and turning for what felt like an eternity when it became clear to him that he was not going to fall asleep. Frustrated he got out of bed, already hating himself for how tired he was going to be in class the next day. He wasn’t sure what he was planning on doing, or where he was planning on going, but he quickly slipped into his shoes, not bothering to change out of his pajamas. Maybe a walk would help.

He was about to close the apartment door behind him when someone cleared their throat behind him.

“Where are you going? It’s 2 am.”

Felix turned around to face Changbin. The boy was standing in the doorway of their bedroom, looking like had just risen from the dead. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Now, where are you going in your pajamas at 2 am?”

“I’m just going for a walk. Can’t sleep.”

“Hold on,” he yawned, disappearing back into their room, returning with his phone in his hand. “I’ll come with you.”

“Just go back to sleep.”

“I wasn’t asking for permission. I’m coming.”

 

 

When Felix burst into his class ten minutes late the next day, no one batted an eye. Everyone just kept chatting amongst themselves, as if the panting Australian wasn’t even there. Relieved, if slightly confused, he made his way to an empty seat, dropping his books on to the desk.

“You’re like, the fourth person who’s done that.”

Felix looked around, trying to locate the source of the voice. His eyes landed on a blond guy sitting behind him, focused on something on his phone. “What?”

“It’s amazing how many people are late on the first day, you’d think people would be somewhat organized for at least the first couple of days.” The blond smiled at something on his phone, typing something, before continuing. “Even more amazing is that the professor is late as well. You’d think at least the teachers would be here on time.”

Felix was unsure how to respond, feeling a little criticized, like he needed to defend himself for being late. “You see-“

“Can’t judge though, was late too. Let me just tell you, the rest of the class did not react so nonchalantly to me bursting through that door. They looked at me like I was a complete idiot. They’ve just gotten used to it by now I guess.” He looked up from his phone and smiled. “I’m Jisung by the way.”

“Felix.”

“You’re not from around here then?”

“Just moved here from Australia this summer actually.”

“How come you moved here? I imagine it’s quite different from Australia.”

“Yeah, definitely different.” Felix paused, not sure how to proceed. From what Felix could tell, Jisung didn’t seem like he would be the type to react negatively to the whole soulmate thing, but Felix had been wrong before. He had encountered several people who grew to hate him simply because he could see color already, and they couldn’t. A lot of people couldn’t see color until much later in life, and quite a few of them were bitter about it. It had cost him potential friendships before. He decided to play it safe. “My boyfriend lives here.”

“Your boyfriend huh?” Jisung cocked his head slightly and smirked. “Blue.”

“What?”

“Your t-shirt. It’s blue.”

It took Felix a couple of seconds to realize what the other was saying. “How did you know?”

“Well, I figured uprooting your life and moving continents for a relationship doomed to end isn’t something most people would do. I mean, I know there are people who denounce the whole soulmate system and just decide to ignore the whole thing, but the majority of people don’t, so I thought I’d be a fair assumption.”

“Guess so. You’ve been able to see color for long?”

“Only a couple of months.” A soft smile spread across his lips, and he turned his phone to show Felix his lock screen which showed a rather goofy looking picture of him and another guy.  “Met him right around the end of high school. You?”

“About ten years now.”

“That’s… wow. That’s awesome. You were like, tiny. I mean you probably saw colors before you knew what colors were. Cause, I don’t know about you, but I didn’t start hearing about colors until I was like 11 or 12. I mean, children stories would always talk about how meeting the love of your life changes everything, but they were never specific in _how_. It’s like, they don’t want kids to know about colors or something. Which I think is crazy.”

Felix was about to answer when the professor walked into the room. The professor quickly apologized for being late and introduced himself before starting the class.

 

 

“You’re being _dramatic_ Changbin. It’s your first day back, it can’t have been that bad.” Felix said, not looking away from his computer and trying his best not to smile.

“No, I swear, Mrs. Kim has some sort of grudge against me. I took one of her classes last year, and she never gave me good grades. She is probably planning a hit on me as we speak.”

“I’ll throw you a beautiful funeral then.”

“You better! I want the best funeral.”

“Then I’ll just buy a dog or something to replace you. Can’t imagine it’d take to long to get over you.”

“Yah! You’ll regret being rude to me when Mrs. Kim has me assassinated.”

“Nah, I’ll get over it.”

Changbin sat down next to him with a hmph, crossing his arms like an annoyed child. “You’re the worst.”

“And you’re stuck with me.”

“So how was your day anyway, get into trouble for being late?”

“Professor was even later than me, so no. I guess I got a friend though.”

“That’s good, you need friends.”

“You could just introduce me to yours. It’s mandatory for them to like me you know, since you can’t really get rid of me.”

“Yeah,” Changbin said. “So any idea what we’re eating today, or do we need to figure that out?”

Felix couldn’t help but notice how quickly Changbin changed the topic away from his friends and wondered if it was intentional or not. “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I’m okay with whatever though.”

He decided to ignore it. It was probably nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this took a (long) while to get up, and i am not really happy with it at all, but here you go i guess. i should be able to update more regularly (i make no promises tho) since the worst pile of important assignments are over, and i hopefully won't be all consumed by schoolwork. i'll try to get the next chapter up within the next week or so, but no promises.


	4. Chapter 4

 

The next three weeks went by in a blur of new classes and new faces. Professors wasted no time throwing them headfirst into the curriculum, and students scrambled around desperately trying their best to keep up with all the new information being thrown at them. For many, Felix included, this involved a lot of coffee.

There was constantly something to do. Whether it was getting familiar with his new subjects, talking to new people, spending time with Changbin, or joining Jisung in whatever weird things he did when he was bored, Felix was always busy with one thing or another. He almost didn’t notice how Changbin consistently steered their conversations away from the topic of his friends. Almost.

It was all very calculated, the way Changbin did it, which was what made Felix catch on to it. Changbin was rarely a calculated person, and Felix found the way he steered conversations whenever they started veering towards the subject of his friends fascinating. He rarely realized it was happening before after Changbin had successfully directed him away.

The few times Felix managed to bring it up, Changbin had a perfectly valid excuse as to why he couldn’t introduce Felix to his friends at that moment – or tomorrow, or this weekend – followed by an equally perfect change of topic. After this happened a couple of times, Felix concluded that Changbins friends didn’t want to meet him and dropped the topic completely. If they didn’t want to meet him, then he didn’t want to meet them either.

 

“And why are we dropping by your boyfriend’s dance practice again? We should be in the library. Have you even started the assignment? It’s due tomorrow.”

“Shut up. He forgot his phone, we’re just bringing it to him.”

Felix was no longer sure where they were, as all his classes were on the other side of campus, but Jisung seemed to know where he was going. “And you couldn’t have brought it to him alone because?”

“And I’m basically done with the assignment,” Jisung replied, ignoring Felix’s question. “I mean, I opened a new document on my computer, gave it a name, and then saved it. That’s like, 90% done right there.”

“Yeah, absolutely.”

Jisung stopped him right in front of a door, muttering something along the lines of how the dance instructor got annoyed easily and that they should wait until the practice was over in a minute. They stood there in silence, listening to the muffled sound of the music through the door, waiting until it faded to nothingness before Jisung carefully cracked the door open to double check that the practice was actually over. He then pulled Felix in through the door with him.

Felix followed Jisung to the corner of the room and awkwardly stood there as Jisung hooked himself onto his boyfriend who was sitting on the floor with a water bottle. The boy pushed him away rather quickly, nodding his head towards Felix.

“Oh, yes. That’s Felix. Felix this is Minho.”

“Hi.”

“Hi.” 

“Damn, who knew you to were so awkward. Converse! Befriend! And Felix, sit down too.”

 

Jisung and Felix got up to leave a couple of minutes later, as Minho had to get going to his next class, and they had to get to the library. They were halfway out of the building when someone called Felix’s name.

“Felix!”

Felix turned around to see a guy hurrying towards them. He looked over to see Jisung sending him a questioning look, to which he simply shrugged. “Hi?”

“Jeez, I didn’t want to interrupt your conversation, and then I leave the room for a second, and you’re gone?” The guy came to a stop in front of them. “You’re Changbins boyfriend, right?”

It took Felix a second to recognize the guy from pictures Changbin had shown him. “Hi, yes. Felix. You’re his friend, right?”

“Yes, Hyunjin,” he answered, “I’ve been trying to get him to introduce us since you moved here this summer. It never seemed to work out though.”

“I’ve been wanting to meet his friends for a while now too. Guess there was never time.”

“Well, I’ve got to run now, I have a class starting in a couple of minutes, but we’ll have to meet up later sometime. I’ve been hearing stories about you for _years_. Changbin is practically obsessed with you. Bye.” Before Felix could answer, Hyunjin ran off again, smiling and waving at him as he rounded a corner.

“I must be invisible. He didn’t even acknowledge me.” Jisung said with a pout, as they started walking again.

“Must be.”

 

It only dawned on Felix half an hour later when he was sitting in the library. Hyunjin had wanted to meet him. _Changbin’s friend had wanted to meet him_. If it hadn’t been a problem of Changbin’s friends not wanting to meet him, then what was the problem?

 

The next day, while Felix was sitting in class, his phone buzzed. He ignored it at first, trying to pay attention to the lecture, but when his phone vibrated again, and then again, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the texts.

 

_hi, this is hyunjin_

_i got your number from jisung_

_whose number i got from minho_

_who i have dance with_

_i am not creepy i swear_

_yeah hi_

_don’t worry about it_

_you’re only coming off as a little stalkerish_

_i might have gotten your schedule off changbin without him knowing_

_…_

_this is not helping me look less stalkerish is it_

_and you said changbin was obsessed with me_

_pfft_

_anyways_

_my point_

_you don’t have any class after the one you’re in right?_

_right_

_i’m done for the day actually_

_awesome_

_changbin and i are at the café_

_and you’re coming_

_no more putting this off_

_i have decided that we are gonna be best friends you see_

_do i get a say in this?_

_no_

 

The café was small and at the very edge of campus. It was not very popular and usually relatively empty, but Felix had been there several times already, as Changbin was obsessed with the coffee there. The café served everything in pink cups and on pink plates and was decorated with small purple and blue flowers. Felix thought it all looked very tacky, but he didn’t really mind it.

Felix spotted them almost immediately when he walked in, sitting at a table in the corner. Changbin focused on something on his computer screen, seemingly waving off any attempt Hyunjin made to talk to him. Felix quickly smiled at the barista, before he walked over to them and sat down in an empty chair. “Hi.”

“You spent a long time getting down here.” Hyunjin smiled at him, before turning to face Changbin, who was still focused on his computer. “You didn’t tell me your boyfriend was so slow Changbin.”

“He really can be. Hi Felix.” Changbin replied absentmindedly, typing away on his laptop. His eyes then widened, and he looked up at Felix. “Shit. Felix Hi. Why are you here?”

“Nice to see you too,” Felix snorted, nodding towards Hyunjin. “Your stalker here got my number and schedule and asked me to come.”

“You did? Why?”

“Because I wanted to meet your boyfriend, and you seemed incapable of setting it up yourself.” Hyunjin smiled at him, clearly happy to finally get Changbins attention away from the screen in front of him. “Now, let’s get him a donut or something, and then we can talk.”

“That would be great,” Changbin shut his laptop, suddenly in a hurry, “but we actually have to go now. See you later Hyunjin.” Before Felix could object, Changbin grabbed his armed and pulled him out of the café. Felix looked back at Hyunjin, who was sporting a confused look, mirroring his own.

 

Felix didn’t say anything before they walked into their apartment ten minutes later. Changbin had made no attempt at explaining why he had pulled him out of the café in a hurry, and Felix had gotten more and more pissed for every second that passed. “What the hell was that?”

“Was what?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake Changbin, don’t act stupid. Why the hell did you pull me out of there so quickly? Why don’t you want me to meet your friends?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Changbin!”

“Well, what do you want me to say then, Felix? That I’m sorry? Cause I’m not!”

“Why don’t you want me to meet your friends?”

“Let’s not do this.”

“No, Changbin, I’ve let you dance around this for weeks now, thinking you probably had a good reason too, but you literally physically pulled me away to stop me from talking to your friend! Why?”

“Does it fucking matter? Just leave it alone!”

“No! I don’t want to leave it alone!” 

“Felix, I swear to god, just shut up!”

“No.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass!”

“Changbin, what the hell is your problem? Can’t you just-“ he stopped himself short when he noticed Changbin’s bracelet; the one he had given him years ago when they just met, the one that had possessed the same weirdness as Changbins shirt. The one he had given to Changbin when he realized that he was seeing the weirdnesses – the colors – as well. The green bracelet. It was _gray._

“What’s my problem?”

Confused, Felix looked around the room, and in horror, he watched as the green notebook on the coffee table faded to gray. “Stop.”

“You’re my fucking problem, Felix.”

“Changbin, stop. Please stop.” Felix words came out in a whisper, barely audible at all, but it was enough to stop him.

“Are you okay?” All the anger in Changbins voice was replaced with worry.

Felix didn’t answer him, instead pulling his phone out of his pocket, quickly scrolling through his camera roll looking for a very specific picture. The picture of Changbin he had taken when he came to pick him up at the airport.

His phone slipped out of his hand and crashed onto the floor. Panic rose in his chest as he looked down at the cracked screen, still displaying the picture in all its glory.

Still displaying the picture of Changbin, clothed completely and exclusively in gray.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so thankful people are actually reading this wow, i don't know how many of these hits are actually still reading, but the fact that so many people even clicked into this story in the first place is amazing as i wasn't expecting anyone to! i will try to get the next chapter up within the next week or so, but like before, I make no promises.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have surpassed 500 hits now, and honestly, that's insane to me. thanks to everyone who has read, regardless of how much or little. thanks especially to those who have left kudos, bookmarked, subscribed or commented, it is much appreciated. 
> 
> and to my bff, who i made the mistake of sitting next to while she read the previous chapter, here you have the update you've been bugging me about ever since. i will also make sure to NEVER sit next to you while you read my stuff in the future, cause ow.

 

“Felix?”

He was on the floor. He could not remember ever sitting down.

“Hey Felix, let go of the phone and look at me, okay?”

He was clutching on to his phone. Part of the broken screen was digging into his hand. There was blood.

“Felix.”

He loosened his grip on the phone, and it was immediately pried out of his hand. The cut didn’t look _that_ bad, but Felix felt like it should have hurt more than it did. Part of the glass from the screen was still in his hand.

“Thank you. Now, do you think you can look at me?”

He looked over at Changbin and was immediately met with worried eyes. The boy was crouched down in front of him, looking somewhat panicked. “You okay?”

At that, Changbin’s head fell forwards, and he let out a small laugh. “Am _I_ okay? Fuck, you scared me.”

“What, why?”

“Felix, you haven’t been responding for the last 15 minutes. You were just sitting there holding your phone in some sort of death grip and staring at it.” Changbin pulled him into a hug, looking even more shaken than Felix felt. “What the hell was that?”

Felix didn’t answer him, instead leaning into the hug. Changbin didn’t ask again, and they instead just sat there in silence.

Eventually, Changbin pulled away from the hug, reaching out and grabbing Felix’s wrist, moving it so that he could see the cut on his hand better. “That looks kind of bad. Does it hurt?”

Felix wasn’t paying attention to his cut. It was kind of starting to hurt, but he was too relieved to care. The blood trickling down his wrist wasn’t important, cause what was on Changbin’s wrist was so much more important. The bracelet, it was green again.

He looked over at the coffee table, even more relieved when he saw the notebook had also regained the color. Felix reached out for his phone, which Changbin had placed on the floor next to them after he had pulled it out of his hand. Changbin grabbed it before Felix could.

“No fucking way I’m giving this back to you.”

“I just, I need to check something quickly.” He reached out his hand, gesturing for Changbin to give him the phone. He needed to check. He needed _all_ of it to be back.

“You have part of the screen in your hand already, and I am not about to let you disappear on me like that again.” Changbin was visibly getting worked up again, tears welling up in his eyes.

Felix felt bad for scaring him, but he was scared too, and he _needed_ to check. “Changbin, please? I’ll give it back to you in a sec.”

Hesitantly Changbin handed him the phone, clearly not happy about it. Felix quickly unlocked the phone, careful not to cut himself even more on the broken screen. Despite it being pretty

broken, it still displayed the picture well, and Felix couldn’t help but smile when he saw it, Changbin looking just as ridiculous as he had that day.

“No fucking way, I am not letting you stare at that picture again.” Changbin pulled the phone out of his hand, shoving it out of reach. “You did that enough when you were all weird.”

“Don’t worry, it’s all fine now.” He knew he didn’t sound convincing, that his voice was still shaking.

“Okay, let’s fix up your hand, and you can tell me what the hell happened while we do.”

Changbin pulled Felix on to his feet and moved into the kitchen, where he pulled out the first aid kit. Felix had no clue what half of the stuff in it was (and he was pretty sure Changbin didn’t either), but he didn’t say anything as the older started pulling stuff out of it.

It took Changbin a couple of minutes to ask again, but when he did, Felix answered immediately. “Green disappeared.”

“What?”

“I couldn’t see the color green. It was gone.”

Changbin momentarily stopped what he was doing. “ _What?!”_

“It’s back again now.”

“What does that even mean? Why couldn’t you see it?”

Felix just shrugged, not sure what to say. He didn’t know what it meant, and he was still freaked out by it all, but at least it was _back_.

Luckily, Changbin seemed to accept this answer and instead looked back on Felix’s hand.

“We’re going to the doctors. I don’t know if I got all the glass out of your hand, and you might need stitches.”

Felix didn’t object, figuring he had caused Changbin enough stress for one day, and quietly followed Changbin out of the apartment.

 

They were surprisingly efficient at the doctor's office, and it didn’t take long for someone to look at Felix’s hand. Changbin hadn’t managed to get all the glass out of his hand, but he didn’t need stitches.

The doctor was bandaging Felix’s hand when Changbin asked the question, catching both Felix and the doctor of guard.

“What does it mean when you lose a color?”

The doctor looked shocked for a second, but her face quickly softened, and she sent him a comforting smile. “Did you lose a color?”

“He did,” Changbin said, nodding his head towards Felix.

“Well,” the doctor turned back to bandaging his hand, “as far as we can tell, it doesn’t really mean anything.”

“What?”

“You see, it’s not even really that uncommon.” She stopped for a second, looking as if she was unsure how to best explain it to them. “I don’t know why it’s not more known, it happens to 1 in 10 people at some point in their life. 1 in 50 experience it on a regular basis. There doesn’t seem to be any correlation between it and who ends up apart in the end though.”

Felix hadn’t even thought about the possibility that _that_ might be a reason. He knew not all soulmates ended up together. Sometimes life got in the way. Sometimes they couldn’t put up with each other’s bullshit regardless of what their souls had to say about it. The soulmate system wasn’t always flawless, but it was the only thing they had, and while he knew the doctor had meant to be comforting, she had introduced the thought into his head.

“Just like the whole soulmate thing, we don’t actually know a lot about color loss, how it works. But it’s nothing to worry about. I know it can be scary, but colors always return pretty fast.”

It didn’t take long to finish up after that. When they left, Changbin thanked the doctor for both of them, as Felix had stopped talking completely after the doctor had explained the colors.

 

They spent the rest of the evening on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, watching TV. Felix didn’t pay much attention to what was actually happening, lost in his own thoughts, only feeling slightly more content every time the color green flashed across the screen. 

“I’m sorry.”

They had been sitting in silence for a while, so the sudden apology caught Felix of guard.

“What?”

“For being an idiot. I know I was in the wrong.”

Felix had completely forgotten about it, to consumed with the color loss to think about what had caused it in the first place. “Why didn’t you want me to meet your friends though?”

“It’s stupid. I am aware it’s stupid. I hate myself for it.” He stopped talking, and for a few seconds, no one said anything. “I was embarrassed.”

“What?”

“Not of you,” Changbin added quickly. “It’s just that Hyunjin, he as _so  many_ embarrassing stories and pictures of me and honestly, I was kinda dreading you hearing all of it.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

"I didn’t realize how far I’d taken it before after I pulled you out of there. And then you got mad, and I knew you had every right to be, but you getting mad still made me mad, and then I just couldn’t stop, and then suddenly you looked terrified and –“

“Changbin.”

Changbin shut up immediately, letting the younger speak.

"You did take it to far.” Felix was exhausted, and he didn’t feel like dragging it out. Changbin apologized, that would have to be enough this time. “Just, don’t do it again, okay?”

“I won’t.”

“Besides. I already know you’re embarrassing.”

 

“So, you’re all weird today,” Jisung stated, not looking up away from his computer, busy working on the assignment he had somehow convinced their teacher to give him an extension on. “And also your hand. I’ve been meaning to ask about your hand.”

“Oh, my phone screen broke and I got the glass in my hand,” Felix answered, hoping it’d be enough to explain why he was acting a little off.

“Cool.” And for a second Felix thought he was off the hook, then Jisung continued; “And you’re weird because?”

“Oh, I momentarily lost the ability to see the color green yesterday. Kinda freaked me out, but apparently, it’s normal.” He said quickly, knowing that Jisung would have pulled it out of him eventually anyway.

For the first time in their conversation, Jisung looked away from his screen, pushing the laptop shut. “Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’”

“I mean, if it’s any consolation, it happens to Minho all the time.”

This actually did make Felix feel better. “Really?”

"Yeah, uh, we don’t even always have to actually fight for it to happen. Sometimes I just annoy him so much he loses colors. It doesn’t mean anything, you know that right?”

“Yeah.”

Jisung quickly shoved his stuff into his backpack, pushing himself out of his seat. “Come on, we’re doing something fun today.”

“I doubt you’re gonna get another extension on that assignment. Just work on that.”

“I will literally knock you out and force you to come with me, so just save us both the hassle and come willingly?” 

Felix ended up going home two hours later when Jisung seemed to feel he had cheered him up enough to go back to working on his already late assignment. The apartment was empty when he came home, and since his Changbin had confiscated his phone _(“There’s literally glass shards sticking out from it Felix. You can’t use it.”)_ , he couldn’t text Changbin to ask when he was coming home. He plopped down on the couch and switched on the TV, but he quickly fell asleep, still tired from the events of the previous day.

 

“Ouch, this was a bad idea. OW!”

Felix woke up when Changbin came back. He hadn’t been sleeping for more than half an hour, but he felt more alert already.  “Changbin? What the hell is that?”

“It’s a cactus.” He peered out from behind the giant cactus, a silly smile on his face.

“I can see that, but, why?”

“Because I figured we need more green in the apartment.” The rest of the what he was thinking was left unsaid, but Felix picked up on the silent apology anyways. He didn’t feel like it was needed though. 

“Where are we gonna put that thing though, it’s huge.” He had gotten up to help him, but unsure what to do, he had just ended up hovering next to him.

Changbin put the cactus down on the coffee table. “Temporarily,” he said.

 

When Felix came home the next day, the cactus was wearing sunglasses and a rainbow lei. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.

“Hi.”

Felix turned around, to see Hyunjin leaning on their kitchen counter.

“Changbin invited me over,” the boy explained, smiling brightly. “He should be back any second, he just left to go pick up your phone, the screen’s replaced.”

Felix wasn’t sure how much he knew; Hyunjin was not giving away anything. “Cool,”

Changbin returned shortly after, and with him there, the conversation quickly became more natural, less forced. It didn’t take Hyunjin long to start sharing stories about him and Changbin – the boy being the only thing they really had in common. Changbin red quickly, but did nothing to stop Hyunjin from talking, occasionally even jumping in to add parts he skipped, or when he disagreed about just _how_ something had happened.

And he might have been embarrassed, but he was also enjoying himself. They all were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know the whole fight was kind of anticlimactic (or as my beta kindly put it "BIG DISAPPOINTMENT" lol), but what came out of the fight is more important to the story than the actual fight. hopefully my beta was just being dramatic though, and it wasn't THAT disappointing. thanks everyone for reading, and the next chapter will, as always, hopefully be up within the next week, but, also as always, no promises.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is like the shortest thing ever (like EXTREMELY short), and it doesn't really push the story forward all that much, but i have been pressed for time, and haven't had time to write anything proper. i'm doing things a little bit differently for this though, as this chapter (again, it's not really a proper chapter) focuses on changbin instead of felix. i hope you guys like it!

Changbin felt guilty.

Very guilty.

It had been horrible watching as Felix folded in on himself and sunk to the floor. Changbin had been terrified when he realized the boy wasn’t responding – and even more so when he saw blood running down his hand, as it meant he wasn’t even responding to pain. He had felt completely and utterly useless as he crouched down next to him, and it felt like a part of him died right there and then as he desperately tried to get any kind of response from Felix.

The terror morphed into guilt when the doctor explained what had happened. It didn’t mean anything – he had to believe her when she said that – but it was still his fault. What had happened to Felix, it was all _his fault._ If he hadn’t been stupid and made a fight out of nothing, it wouldn’t have happened, if he had just stayed at the stupid café and let Hyunjin and Felix talk, there wouldn’t have been a fight at all.

He couldn’t even imagine how Felix felt about it all. If he felt horrible, how was it be for the one who actually lost colors? If it had been him who lost them, he would have combusted right there and then. But it hadn’t been him, and all he could do was hope Felix would never have to experience it again.

 

Felix had forgiven him way too quickly. Changbin didn’t feel like he deserved it. He had made a fight out of nothing, and Felix would likely be coming out of it with both a figurative and a literal scar. Felix shouldn’t be forgiving him so easily.

The cactus had been an impulsive buy. Changbin had been on his way home when he walked past a flower shop and decided to go in. He wasn’t sure why he had walked in, or what possessed him to leave with a giant cactus as a mean of apology, but he had quickly regretted it, as the cactus continuously stung him on the way back to the apartment. Felix seemed to like it though, so he counted it as a success.

Inviting Hyunjin over had been his last apology. He figured the best way of fixing what he had done wrong was reversing it. Hyunjin hadn’t pushed for an explanation as to why Changbin had dragged Felix out of the café or asked why he was suddenly inviting him over, but Changbin had felt compelled to tell him anyway. Hyunjin had called him an idiot and then agreed to come over.

Hyunjin had shown up at their apartment about half an hour before Felix’s last class ended. He had laughed at the cactus, and then proceeded to put his sunglasses on it, because _“It’s funny Changbin,”._ He had then pulled a rainbow lei out of his backpack (Changbin was unsuccessful in his attempt to figure out just _why_ his friend was carrying _that_ around) and put that on the cactus as well.

By the time Hyunjin left later that night, Changbin had been embarrassed plenty of times, and the cactus had been named Albert. Altogether, it had been a successful night.

 

Over the next couple of weeks, Hyunjin’s presence in their apartment became more and more common. Sometimes he would bring Boyoung along, a girl who he and Changbin had known for five years, and he had been dating for three. Jisung started hanging out there shortly after him, occasionally dragging Minho along as well.

Things were starting to feel very normal again by the next time it happened. The fight hadn’t been anything big, just a discussion turned a little too heated – but Changbin saw the change in Felix immediately. The way he tensed up, freezing as he stared at something behind Changbin; at Albert. His reaction wasn’t as extreme as the first time around, but it had still effectively shut down their discussion as Changbin pulled him into a hug. They spent the next hour curled up on the couch, Felix staring intensely at Albert as he waited for the cactus to turn green again. Neither of them said anything, but they were both thinking the same thing. _It doesn’t mean anything._

The next time they fought, Felix lost red as well. It didn’t happen every time they argued, but it wasn’t uncommon either. Sometimes he lost nothing, sometimes it was only green, and sometimes several colors disappeared.

Eventually, Felix got better at hiding it, and Changbin wouldn’t even pick up on anything being wrong before he found the boy looking distraught on the couch, staring at Albert and his rainbow lei, in the aftermath of a fight. Each time Changbin would plop down next to him and wrap a blanket around them and sit there with him until his colors all returned.

Each time his heart would break just a little.

And each time, Changbin would feel guilty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this was so short, but hopefully it was at least enjoyable. i will try to update again within a week with a proper update, but i have a lot going on at school this week, and a friends birthday this weekend, so i don't know if i'll have the time. 
> 
> thank you for reading and i hope you guys liked it! comments are always appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7

“I don’t get it though,” Minho said suddenly, barely looking away from his phone as he spoke. “I just don’t.”

“Get what? Why I’m so amazing at this game? I just have a natural gift for – “ The Jenga tower collapsed. “Well shit.” Jisung scowled and looked away from the fallen tower and over to Minho instead. “This is your fault you distracted me.”

“I’ve beaten you five times in a row now, and this is the first time Minho has said anything in half an hours. You’re just bad.” Felix started rebuilding the tower again, realizing quickly he wasn’t going to get any help from Jisung.

It was Saturday and Jisung had invited himself and Minho over the second he realized that Felix was alone at the apartment. Changbin was out with Hyunjin and Boyoung.

“I agree with Felix,” Minho said, pretending not to see the mock hurt look Jisung sent him. “And what I was saying.” He pushed himself up in a sitting position on the couch and looked over at where they were sitting on the floor. “Is that I don’t get why it’s so scary to lose colors.”

At that, Felix felt every muscle in his body cramp together, accidentally knocking over the almost finished tower in the process.

Jisung sent him a concerned look, before looking back at his boyfriend. “Minho.” The message in Jisung’s voice was so abundantly clear that even Felix caught it. Don’t.

“No, that’s not..” Minho stopped, clearly not quite sure how to put his thoughts into words. “I just meant that I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.”

Felix was surprised he had even brought it up. While Jisung was more than happy to talk about it if Felix brought it up, he would usually just opt with distracting him whenever he seemed down because of it, as talking about it usually wasn’t Felix’s preferred method of dealing. Felix had just assumed Minho would be the same.

“I know it’s supposed to be like, the most harrowing thing ever, but for me, it just isn’t.”  
Felix looked at Jisung, who was busying himself with building the tower, seemingly having decided to butt out of the conversation completely.

“I don’t know why it’s horrifying. It was certainly worse the first time, but it hasn’t been good since either.” Felix willed his muscles to un-tense, looking away from Minho as he answered, instead choosing to knock over the tower Jisung had just finished building. The boy sent him a dirty look, but if the breath he let out was anything to go by, he was happy to have an excuse to further occupy his attention on the tower, rather than partaking in the conversation he couldn’t contribute anything to.

“But it doesn’t mean anything.”

“I know.” He turned to look directly at Minho as he spoke. “Of course I know.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.” Felix turned his attention back to Jisung, hoping Minho would take the hint that he was done with the conversation. He saw the boy shift in his peripheral vision, but his focus had shifted from Felix to Jisung as well.

Minho smirked as Jisung pulled the first piece out from the tower, starting the game over again. “You’re going to lose again.”

“Shut up.”

 

Minho joined the game shortly after, declaring that there would have to be some sort of penalty for making the tower collapse. He had obviously been expecting Jisung to keep losing, but something had switched in the boy’s game the second Minho joined, and Minho ended up being the one toppling the tower the majority of the time. By the time they had called it quits, they all had their fair share of colorful doodles in their faces, Minho’s face being almost completely colored, doodles overlapping, making what they originally were indistinguishable.

By the time Changbin came back, Hyunjin and Boyoung trailing behind him, they were sprawled out on the floor, fallen tower completely disregarded, discussing cats. Jisung thought they were evil, Minho just found them cute, and Felix figured they might be cute because they were evil.

“You guys look ridiculous,” Hyunjin muttered, pulling the door shut behind them. He pulled a pink fedora out of his bag, shuffled over to the coffee table and put the hat on Albert.

“Why do you insist on dressing our cactus?” Changbin rolled his eyes at the now even more ridiculous sight of the cactus.

Hyunjin just shrugged and settled in the couch.

“Anyone care to explain why Minho’s face looks like he was kidnapped by kindergarteners?” Boyoung shot a look at Jisung when he giggled. “You don’t look much better.”

“Minho was just really bad at Jenga, that’s all. Not that that was surprising. ” Jisung answered, quickly rolling away from Minho to avoid being kicked. “Now, cats. Evil or cute?”

“Cute,” Minho interjected before anyone else could answer. “They’re cute.” He pushed himself off the floor, lightly kicking Jisung as he passed him. “Got to go, was supposed to meet up with Woojin like half an hour ago, and well, he’ll probably call out a search party if I don’t show up.” He disappeared into the bathroom, a minute later he was shouting. “This shit doesn’t come off?”

“Nope!” Jisung shouted back.

“You knew?”

“Yup!”

“JISUNG!”

 

Minho eventually gave on trying to remove the drawings off his face, leaving them all with one last glare. Jisung thought it was the funniest thing ever until he realized that he too had drawings on his face. Felix, who didn’t have quite as many drawings on him, still found it hilarious.

They ended up playing monopoly. Jisung protested at first, as the last time he had played, with Minho’s friends, he had ended up with the car piece thrown at his face when one of them landed on his hotel, losing everything. He had somewhat reluctantly agreed in the end and avoided the wrath of losing players by losing first himself. He claimed this was on purpose, but no one really believed him. Jisung settled for taking control of the bank.

When Hyunjin lost as well, he tried to seize power of the bank, to which Jisung responded with moving to the opposite side of the room, scooting across the floor whenever something was needed from the bank. He kept this up, much to Hyunjin’s annoyance, until right after midnight, when his eyes suddenly went wide from something on his phone.

“I have to go.” Jisung hurriedly pushed himself up from the floor, handing the bank over to Felix, who was still in the game, ignoring the mean look Hyunjin sent his way. “I apparently have a cat to return.”

“What?”

“Minho and his friend got drunk, and he adopted a cat.” Jisung deadpanned. “So I have to go return the evil thing before he sobers up and realizes he has it, cause if he does I’m stuck with it.”

Once Jisung left, Felix pushed the bank over to Hyunjin and pretended not to notice when he slipped some extra money over to Boyoung.

 

At 1 AM, Felix received a pissed text from Jisung saying they wouldn’t take the cat back at the shelter. At 1.30 he received a very shaky video from Minho, who was quite obviously still drunk, of Jisung playing with the cat. By 2 AM Jisung texted him saying maybe cats weren’t so bad after all.

 

Once everyone had left, Changbin and Felix settled on the couch and started watching a movie on Changbin’s laptop (as Albert’s “temporary” place on the coffee table block the view of the TV). They were halfway through the movie when Changbin shifted in a way that pushed Felix out of the couch.

He was only annoyed for a fraction of a second, but Albert faded gray anyways. He must have been too tired to hide if properly, cause Changbin quickly shifted again, and offered him a hand, quickly muttering an apology.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m not mad.”

“So it didn’t?”

“No, green’s gone. I guess it’s triggered easier when I’m tired or something,” He reasoned, though it didn’t feel any better because of it.

_but it doesn’t mean anything_

Changbin put away the computer quickly and cuddled up next to Felix when he sat back down on the couch.

_i know_

Without the movie to keep him awake, he fell asleep within minutes, leaving Felix to stare at the plant alone. He had long ago decided never to go to sleep while colors were missing.

_do you?_

Felix ignored the nagging thought and stared intently at Albert. The gray faded back into colors pretty quickly, and Felix stopped fighting the tiredness. He almost didn’t catch the last whisper that floated through his mind as the darkness took him.

_do I?_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long to update, have been sick for the past two weeks, and been struggling to try and keep up with school work whenever i felt up for doing anything. thank you for reading, i hope it wasn't too disappointing. next update will come whenever i have time to write next. i'll try to put something up more this or next week, but it might be hard, so no promises.
> 
> m̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶a̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶a̶v̶a̶i̶l̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶r̶r̶y̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶t̶a̶k̶e̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶n̶o̶r̶m̶a̶l̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶l̶s̶o̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶s̶u̶c̶k̶s̶
> 
> comments are always appreciated!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long to update. i've been sick, then i went to russia with school for a week, and now i have a ton of tests and assignments. anyways, here is another extremely short chapter (that may or may not have been written in a rush, so don't judge me too hard)

 

Felix was awake for fifteen minutes before he actually opened his eyes.

He took notice of a couple of things in these fifteen minutes, the first being how uncomfortable he felt after sleeping on the couch.

The cushions had allowed him to sink into the couch and formed themselves in a way that had made him end up in and an awkward position. This had made him sleep the entire night with his spine bent in a way that he knew was going to make his back sore for the rest of the day.

Despite the uncomfortableness of the couch, he felt at peace. And even though he admittedly was in some pain, he didn’t want to move, so he stayed still, only slightly adjusting his head to face away from the window, hoping this would limit the amount of light that made its way through his eyelids.

Changbin was still fast asleep next to him, muttering away to himself in his sleep. Felix was quite used to this habit by now, and often found himself lying in bed and listening to his boyfriend mumble, trying to make out what he was saying. Usually, most of it was unintelligible nonsense, and the few comprehendible words that broke through would make Felix wonder what bizarre things the boy was dreaming about.

That day, he could make out the words lettuce, watermelon, and salamander.

 

Felix only opened his eyes when Changbin shut up and started to stir next to him, instantly moving his gaze to look at him. He looked absolutely dead, which Felix found hilarious.

When Changbin opened his eyes, they instantly narrowed and he pushed himself away from Felix. “You have no business being this chipper in the morning.” He muttered and got up from the couch.

“It’s noon.”

“You have no business being this chipper at noon either.”

Felix answered with an exaggerated bright smile.

“At least have the decency to be depressed until you’ve had coffee.”

  
It was only when Changbin returned with two cups of coffee (both of which were for himself) and put it down on the coffee table that Felix’s eyes traveled to Albert. His eyes lingered for a bit before he forced himself to look away from the plant and at Changbin.

“I probably just fell asleep and dreamt the colors returning.” He muttered to himself, waving dismissively when Changbin asked what he had said.

Felix didn’t look back at the gray cactus before Changbin left the room again, trying to will the color to come back. It didn’t.

 

The rest of the day felt green.

Green because the grass screamed at him, because Changbin’s bracelet seemed to refuse to leave his line of vision. Every single thing Felix knew to be green popped out at him, refusing to let the missing color leave his mind for even a second.

He smiled and joked and died inside all at the same time, not used to colorlessness lasting so long. And the world had never been quite as green as it was that day, because he had all the time in the world to notice all the places the color was missing.

Everything felt green, simply because nothing was.

He didn’t mention it, and the spot in front of the cactus remained empty, cause they hadn’t fought and he hadn’t been annoyed, and Felix would rather spiral on his own than drag Changbin down with him.

 

Monday was red.

He first became aware of this was when Jisung threw his arm around his shoulder, and Felix noticed the sleeve was gray. This only threw him off because of the small logo on the very end of the sleeve. The one that told him it was a dance class hoodie (which he had undoubtedly stolen from Minho), the same hoodie he had seen Hyunjin in countless of times.

The rest of the day came in roses and the strawberries Jisung ate at lunch and the cut on his hand that bled gray.

The spot in front of Albert remained empty.

 

Tuesday was blue.

The birds gave it away, out and about enjoying the nice weather while the sky was perfectly gray. The day passed in the ink from his pen, the neighbor's car, and the giant plushie that rested in the corner of their room.

He watched a movie on with Changbin on the couch, refusing to let his eyes drift to the cactus beyond the computer screen.

 

Wednesday was purple.

Felix couldn’t help staring at the flowers outside the coffee shop, the lump in his throat growing bigger as he forced a smile when Changbin returned with their orders.

Felix passed through the living room without looking in the direction of the coffee table.

 

Thursday was orange.

Jisung’s and Minho’s new cat wasn’t anymore.

The cactus was left alone.

 

Come Friday evening, Felix was constantly on edge, desperately trying to hide how horrible he felt. So far no one had questioned him, though he was pretty sure there had been times both Changbin and Jisung had caught on to the fact that something was bothering him.

“You’ve been kind of off the last couple of days.” Felix could tell Changbin was trying to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible. “I can stay at home with you if you want me to.”

“No, go out and be a third wheel with your friends.” Felix smiled at him, and he could see Changbin visibly relax, clearly not seeing through his act. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”

Changbin looked at him, scanning his expression, and for a second, Felix was sure he was going to see through his lie, sure he was going to call him out on it. Then the boy smiled back at him, at ease. “I’m sure Jisung is happy to bother you if you get bored.”

“Always is.” It took everything Felix had not to break apart completely as he watched Changbin’s eyes fade into a deep gray. “Seriously, go. Have fun.”

Changbin left shortly after, Felix closing his eyes the second the door closed behind him. He couldn’t stop the tears from welling up in his eyes.

Cause for the first time since Felix was eight years old, the world was completely and utterly colorless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the next chapter, we'll be introducing another member into the story... whoever might that be?  
> sorry again for taking so long to update, and i hope you enjoyed this very rushed and horribly written chapter. 
> 
> kudos and comments are always appreciated a lot! 
> 
> (also, i am going to an ateez concert next week and i am so excited i don't know what to do with myself aaaaaaah)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as i'm sure you'll notice in a second, this chapter has us in the head of someone else than felix again. hope you enjoy!
> 
> (also this chapter is dedicated to my best friend, who most definitely hates me for ending the last chapter the way i did. please don't murder me.)

There were a couple of things Chan expected on nights he stayed at the studio late; He expected to be cold as he never seemed to bring warm enough clothes for the chilly night hours, and at least four texts from Woojin reminding him to eat something – though he rarely saw these texts before he was already on his way home. He expected the first signs of exhaustion starting to hit him as he walked home – though these would promptly be ignored – and he expected to come home to a sleeping apartment.

What he did not expect, however, was to run into a lonely student when he cut through the park on his way home.

What he really did not expect was said student to be drunkenly screaming at a tree. In English.

Naturally, Chan approached him.

 

A cold breeze brushed past him, and Chan once again cursed himself for not bringing any warmer clothes. He knew he usually ended up staying at the studio until the dead of night on Fridays, long after the sun had disappeared from the sky. Often, like now, he didn’t start the route home until it was technically Saturday. He never seemed to get any wiser though, forgetting about it the second he was met by the warm embrace of his apartment, only remembering the next time he was freezing again. 

The park was usually empty at 2 AM on Saturday mornings – bar the occasional squirrel – as most people opted on spending their nights at more eventful places. This was why Chan was surprised to hear muffled shouting mix in with his music as he walked through the park. At first, he thought he might have just imagined it, but when he heard it again, he pulled out his headphones to locate the sound. Was someone in trouble?

It didn’t take him too long to find the source of the shouting; a person standing by a tree in the distance. There wasn’t anyone else in sight, and Chan realized with a start that he was screaming at the tree. Somewhat hesitantly, he changed course and started off towards the boy.

Chan could practically hear Woojin’s voice in his head telling him not to approach the crazy dude yelling at a tree, and Chan told himself he should probably be listening to him, when he realized the boy was speaking in – if a somewhat slurred – English. As he got even closer, he realized the boy had an Australian accent, and Woojin shut up altogether.

“Stupid tree, can’t even keep your fucking colors, can you?”

Chan stopped a couple of paces away from him, unsure how to proceed. Now that he was closer, he could see the guy was definitely younger than him, and unquestionably drunk out of his mind.

“You’re supposed to be green and brown, what the hell is this? Get your colors right you fucking idiot!”

It was then Chan realized the boy was crying, that his words weren’t only slurred because he was drunk, but also because he was holding back sobs.

“It’s not that hard, even a stupid plant like you should be able to get it!”

The boy was staring at the tree like he was awaiting a response, so Chan decided to answer in its place. “You okay there mate?”

For a second the boy’s eyes widened, as he almost comically gaped at the tree. Then he seemed to realize the voice had come from his side, and not from the tree in front of him, and his head snapped around to look at Chan with narrowed eyes.

“I don’t think the tree is going to answer you.” Chan, suddenly very aware that he had just approached a stranger in the dead of night, tried his best to both look and sound non-threatening. “Plants around here don’t tend to talk much.”

Once again the boy’s eyes widened. “Around here?” He took a step closer to Chan, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Have you been somewhere with talking plants?”

Oh, how Chan wished the boy hadn’t taken him literally. “Uh no, I just meant –“ Chan decided against finishing his thought, instead taking another step closer to him. It was clear the boy didn’t deem him a threat, and Chan could not imagine a world where the younger was dangerous. “Are you okay?”

His eyebrow furrowed at this, and his eyes traveled back to the tree.

“Can I call someone for you? Do you live close?”

Once again the boy’s head snapped around to look at him, moving so fast Chan was surprised his neck didn’t snap. As if on cue, the phone in the boy’s hand lit up and started vibrating. He let it ring.

“No,” he hissed, shaking his head furiously. “Can’t go home. Can’t know. He can’t know.”

Chan watched as the phone stopped ringing, briefly switching to the lock screen 12 missed calls from Ch– before going dark. Someone was clearly somewhere worried about the kid. “I’m Chan.”

“Felix.”

The Woojin in his head was talking again, begging him not to do something stupid. Chan wasn’t sure what Woojin thought was stupid though; leaving the distraught drunken boy, or the words that ended up coming out of his mouth instead. “Do you need somewhere to crash tonight?”

Felix's face went through a variety of expressions in a very short time, and Chan wasn’t sure if he was managing to process his words properly. His expressions ended in a frown, and he was narrowing his eyes again.

“I just–“ Chan wondered how to best avoid sounding like a creep. “You’re drunk.” Nope, that was not it. “I mean, you are drunk, and it is late, and you clearly don’t want to go home, and I don’t think staying out alone in your state is the best idea.”

“And…” Felix’s phone started vibrating again. “Going home with a stranger is?”

Chan wasn’t sure how to answer that.

Felix’s phone stopped vibrating, only to start again a second later. He stared at it for a moment, before declining the call, and looking back up at Chan. “Yeah okay.”

And that’s how Chan ended up supporting the random Australians weight as they walked the rest of the way to his apartment. And the Woojin in Chan’s head was silent, but he wasn’t so sure the one at home would be the same.

 

‘Quiet’ was apparently a word a drunk Felix was not familiar with. Chan supposed he shouldn’t be too surprised at this, considering he had met the guy while he was loudly berating a tree. But Chan had sort of hoped the boy wouldn’t crash into every single piece of furniture in the room during the three seconds he took his eyes off him to lock the door.

“Felix shh!”

Felix hummed in acknowledgment before crashing down on to the couch, knocking down a book that had been resting on the armrest in the process.

“Felix!”

But the boy had fallen asleep. 

It was only then exhaustion hit Chan, blurring his eyesight for a moment before the world refocused again. There was a brief moment of complete peace – one where everything was silent as the world slept around him – before shuffling could be heard from one of the bedrooms, which meant Chan was about ten seconds away from having to explain the drunk boy on their couch.

He didn’t turn to face whoever it was.

“You know, if you want to cheat on me, you probably shouldn’t bring people here when you know I’m home.”

“Slipped my mind,” Chan said, eyes still glued to Felix, wondering if he should leave the boy be or move him into a more comfortable position.

“Should probably also get yourself someone who’s not passed out drunk.”

“Will keep that in mind.” Chan twisted around to face Woojin where he was standing in the doorway to their bedroom with an amused look on his face. “Sorry I woke you,”

“Don’t worry about it.”

And while Woojin didn’t ask for the real story behind the drunk boy on their couch, Chan knew he was expected to tell it. “He was screaming at a tree.”

Woojin made no move to answer and just stared at him with a blank look in his eyes. 

“And he was small and he was drunk and he was sad and he seemed almost scared to go home and he was Australian and I couldn’t just leave him there and –“

“So you decided to bring some lunatic home because he was Australian.” It was Seungmin who spoke now. Chan wasn’t quite sure when he had emerged from the second bedroom. “If I get murdered I’m gonna be so pissed.”

“He’s not a lunatic.”

“You literally just said he was screaming at a tree.”

“I-“

“I’m sure he won’t murder us in our sleep.” There was a moment of silence, but when no one picked up the conversation, he continued. “And if his entrance is anything to judge by, he’s not stealthy enough to rob us. So,” Woojin pushed himself away from the doorframe and moved to Chan, “let’s get some sleep and figure this out tomorrow.” He swiftly grabbed on to Chan’s arm and pulled him in the direction of the bedroom. “Besides, if we had a bias against lunatics we wouldn’t let Jeongin keep bringing you over, would we?”

“Safety really isn’t a priority in this household, is it?” Seungmin said, but he was smiling now. “Inviting in lunatics left and right.”

“Shut up, you don’t even live here,” Chan answered.

Seungmin looked offended at this.

“Not technically at least.”

Seungmin stuck his tongue out at Chan and retreated back into the bedroom closing the door behind him. With one last look back at Felix, Chan followed suit. He wasn’t sure what Felix story was, or if the boy would even share it with him when he woke up the next morning. All he could do was hope he got a couple of hours of sleep before he had to deal with it all.

Out in the living room, Felix’s phone lit up and started vibrating again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that concludes this chapter. i am not happy with it, but that is life i guess. hope all the head-hopping i have been doing isn't too much. with switching to changbin for a chapter, and then back to felix, and then to chan, i mean. tell me if it is. i don't know when the next chapter will be out, but hopefully, it'll be soon
> 
> feel free to interact with me on [tumblr](https://noonetofangirlwith.tumblr.com/), i spend way to much time there, and i am bored and want friends. (she says, not expecting anyone to actually talk to her, but really hoping someone does)
> 
> kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> (i went to an ateez concert the other day and it was amazing and so much fun and now i am broke because it traveling there and back cost a lot and the tickets cost a lot and merch cost a lot but i am so happy and it was so worth it and i want to do it again. i doubt anyone is reading this, but on the off chance that someone is, sorry for rambling.)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sticking with chan for another chapter here, with an unedited chapter written while i should have been sleeping and was probably borderline delusional from lack of sleep.  
> sorry for taking so long to update

The world fell back asleep rather quickly, and soon Chan was the only one awake in the apartment. All the exhaustion he had felt earlier was certainly still there, but it did nothing to knock him out. Instead, he just lied there listening to the sounds around him. There weren’t many of them – just the ones you would usually describe as silence unless you actually stopped to listen.

There was the slight hum of the radiator, the occasional muted footsteps from the apartment above them, and the lonely car passing by now and then. There was breathing, his and Woojin’s, and there were the ticks of the clock on the wall. It was fascinating really, just how many noises silence actually contained.

It was hard to say whether or not he would have fallen asleep if he hadn’t run into Felix that night – hard to say if that was what was actually keeping him up – but he spent the time thinking about it anyways. The boy’s phone had barely stopped buzzing for a second on their way back to the apartment, and each time a new call came in, Felix has pretended not to notice.

Pretended no one was desperately trying to get a hold of him. At one point, Chan had considered answering the boy’s phone, but he’d concluded that it wasn’t his place. That maybe there was a very good reason Felix was ignoring the calls, a good reason why he was so adamant in not going home.

But he still felt bad. Bad that someone was looking, bad that he knew and wasn’t letting them know. Bad that someone was probably out there worried out of their minds while Felix slept safely on his couch. Chan wished the boy was still awake, wished that he had managed to get more answers out of him before he’d passed out. But he hadn’t, and all Chan could do was wait.

He didn’t fall asleep before the chirps of birds outside joined the silence.

 

Chan didn’t feel any less exhausted when he woke up, and though he knew it wasn’t the case, it felt like only minutes had passed since he fell asleep.

He was alone in the room, and for a moment he just lied there, tracking the movement of the others by how their voices moved around the apartment.

Jeongin seemed to be moving the most, his voice bouncing off the walls in the kitchen at one moment, his own room the next, and then the living room. Sometimes Chan could barely hear his words, and sometimes he shrieked them out at a volume Chan was certain could be heard in the entire building. Occasionally his shrieks would be questions about Felix – who from what Chan could gather was still asleep on the couch, unbothered by the noise that filled the space around him – but mostly his words mirrored the ones of any normal morning in the apartment.

Seungmin was the usually the one to answer his shrieks – his voice shifting between the living room and the kitchen – taking every chance he could to refer to Felix as the ‘Australian serial killer Chan brought home’. It took Chan a couple of minutes to realize he had never told them Felix’s name, but he doubted Seungmin would have used it anyways.

Woojin’s voice stayed motionless and was mostly heard shushing the others, reminding them that both Chan and the Australian serial killer were still very much asleep.

Chan waited for the noise to mellow down before he left the room, heading directly for the kitchen, pretending not to notice how Jeongin immediately propelled out of his own room, following close behind him. The younger was clearly expecting him to tell him more about the guy on their couch, not satisfied with the answers Seungmin had offered. Chan, however, offered none at all and didn’t even assess the situation before Jeongin and Seungmin left the apartment, slightly offended that Chan refused to loop them in.

 

“Okay,” Woojin said as the door shut behind them. “What now?”

“Well, for starters, his name is Felix. Not ‘Australian serial killer’.” Chan turned around to and looked at the couch, where Felix, despite no one making any effort at all to be even remotely quiet, still slept soundly. “I have no clue. I haven’t thought this far. I just didn’t want to leave him out alone in his state.”

“Tell me what happened? You were sort of rambling last night, and I honestly didn’t catch much of what you were saying.”

“I was walking through the park when I heard screaming, and I thought someone might be in trouble, but it was just Felix screaming at a tree.”

“As one does.”

“I’m not sure why, but he was really upset, and also really drunk. I asked him if I could call anyone, or if he lived close, and he seemed almost scared at the thought. And his phone kept ringing, so someone was clearly looking for him, but he kept ignoring it.”

Chan looked at Felix again. He looked almost peaceful, completely opposite from the night before. His phone was clutched in his hand, but it hadn’t rung all morning. Chan wondered if it was because the person calling had given up, or if the battery had simply died.

“And then you brought him back home because he was Australian?”

Chan couldn’t help but smile at that. “And small.”

“Obviously.”

 

Felix woke up half an hour later, and for a second, he seemed absolutely terrified. Then he remembered the night before, at which point he only seemed slightly terrified.

Chan and Woojin had come to the conclusion that they shouldn’t press the boy for answers and settled for offering him food. He seemed hesitant at first as if he thought they were trying to poison him but had quickly made up his mind and accepted the offer.

 

The question of what had happened didn’t even come up until Woojin’s phone rang. He didn’t even have a chance to say hello before the person on the other end started rambling.

“Yeah, I needed to cancel anyway, a bit of a situation came up here. Why were you up all night?” Woojin said and disappeared out of the kitchen with an apologetic smile.

“You want more food?” Chan asked, gesturing at the now empty place in front of Felix.

“No, I’m good,” Felix said. “Look, I’m sorry for last night. Thanks for making sure I didn’t end up dead in a ditch somewhere.” His gaze dropped to the table as he spoke, only for him to flinch and look back up at Chan.

Slightly confused, Chan looked down to the small potted plant on the center of the table. The plant had definitely not been watered enough and looked rather bad, but there was nothing about it that should have caused a reacting like that.

Chan didn’t realize he hadn’t answered before he had been silent a moment too long, but luckily Woojin reentered the room before the silence had a chance to become awkward. He didn’t say anything, just handed his phone to Felix, who cast a confused glance at Chan and lifted it to his ear. The phone didn’t need to be on speaker for Chan to hear what came next. **_“What the hell Felix?!”_**

****

Chan and Woojin had left Felix in the kitchen, and Woojin had briefly filled Chan in on what had happened. Minho had called to tell him that he couldn’t come later over like planned because he’d been up all night looking for Jisung’s best friend, who’d gone missing. It hadn’t taken the two long to put together that the boy Minho had been out looking for was the same one Chan had picked up on his way home.

Felix came out of the kitchen a couple of minutes later, awkwardly handing Woojin his phone and telling them Minho would be by to pick him up soon.

Felix left the apartment with a very tired, slightly pissed, but mostly worried Minho. And Chan didn’t while Chan hadn’t gotten any more answers from Felix, one thing the boy had screamed the night before popped up in his mind.

Stupid tree, can’t even keep your fucking colors, can you?

And everything made a little bit more sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this unedited chapter that I wrote instead of sleeping. might be shit (like, even shitter than my usual stuff, who knew that was possible) but hopefully someone out there likes it. 
> 
> sorry again for taking so long to update. a variety of sickness and school work and stress in general has kept me from writing much these days. hopefully I'll find time to write again soon, but I have a whole lot of important assignments and exams coming up over this next month, so it might be a little while.
> 
> feel free to come and talk to me on [tumblr](https://noonetofangirlwith.tumblr.com/), i spend way to much time over there, and i am lonely and want friends.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> excuse the bad writing, i am stressed™ and sleep deprived and this is probably shit but here you go

 

Changbin wasn’t worried when he came home to an empty apartment. While it was late, there was still plenty of places open, and it wasn’t uncommon for Felix to go on impromptu snack runs in the dead of night. He figured the younger would be home soon enough.

Changbin still wasn’t worried when an hour later – much longer than any snack run had ever lasted – the boy still wasn’t home. Maybe he had gone over to Jisung’s; he had been talking nonstop about their new kitten ever since they had gotten it, and he had told Felix that Jisung probably would be happy to hang with him if he got bored.

Unease only started settling in Changbin’s chest when his text was met with radio silence. It wasn’t like Felix to not answer him, the boy was usually pretty fast with replies, and the lack of one was enough to spark _something_ in Changbin. He still wouldn’t call it _worry_ , but there was a slight uncomfortable feeling making its way through him.

But Felix was probably just occupied with the cat. He just hadn’t seen the text yet. He’d get back to him as soon as he did. That was probably it.

Still, when his phone pinged with a new text, he threw himself in the general direction of his phone, effectively knocking it down on to the floor. But it wasn’t Felix answering him. It was Jisung.

_ignore lix for a bit_

_i’m bored and want him to answer_

_only time he doesn’t is when he’s with u_

_so quit it_

_Wait, he’s not at your place?_

In reality, it probably only took Jisung a couple of seconds to reply, but it felt like an eternity.

 

_obviously not_

_why, did he say he was?_

_No_

_But he wasn’t at home when I got home_

_and it’s been too long for it to just be him_

_dropping by the store or something._

_He didn’t answer when I texted him either._

_hold on, i’ll try calling him_

 

A couple of eternities later Jisung’s phone popped up on his phone, and Changbin answered instantly.

**_“Yeah, no luck here. Still not answering. You sure he didn’t tell you where he was going before you left?”_ **

“I’m sure,” Changbin answered. His mind was already racing, the slight unease from before already a full blown panic. He did his best to keep his thoughts in check, trying to force himself to come up with logical reasons why Felix wasn’t answering and where he could be. There was probably plenty, but his brain seemed content with playing out worst case scenarios for him instead. “Have you heard from him at any point tonight?”

**_“Sorry, I haven’t talked to him since class today.”_ **

Changbin wasn’t sure if he was imagining it, or if Jisung’s voice really did sound somewhat panicked as well. Either way, it made his own panic feel so much worse. Maybe it hadn’t been insane of him to think Felix had been acting off. Maybe he shouldn’t have listened to the boy when he said he was fine, and just stayed home with him. “Did he mention plans to go somewhere?”

Shuffling and muffled speaking on the other side of the line. **_“No, he didn’t.”_ ** And then a whispered answer that wasn’t meant for him. **_“It’s Changbin. Felix’s missing.”_ **

_Missing._ Changbin had purposely been deterring his brain away from the word, scared it’d be fuel to the already rampant fire in his mind. _Missing_ left no room for logical reasoning, no room for safe.

Changbin tuned out the conversation that was taking place on the other side of the line, only paying attention once the voice on the other side was speaking directly into the phone again. **_“Minho and I are coming over, okay?”_** And then the line went dead as Jisung hung up before he had a chance to answer.

 

He spent the time waiting for them trying to call Felix. After two failed attempts he had called Hyunjin instead. The boy had answered quickly, instantly spouting groggy complaints of being woken up. He shut up the second Changbin told him what was going on. In the end, Hyunjin ended up getting there before Jisung and Minho, hair messy and sleep still very visible on his face.

By the time they were all there, Changbin had tried calling Felix several more times, successfully freaking himself more out every time his call was left unanswered. In the end, Hyunjin ended up prying his phone out of his hands, so that they could figure out what to do.

It didn’t take them long to leave the apartment after that, split into two teams. They each had a list of places where Felix was likely to go, and hopefully, he’d be at one of them.

 

For every place they searched without finding him, Changbin felt himself grow more and more worried, and the voices telling him something horrible had happened became harder to drown out. Hyunjin was talking constantly, barely shutting up long enough to catch his breath. Changbin knew what he was doing and was grateful the younger was trying to keep him from getting completely lost in his worries, but most of what he said was met with short answers and went to dead ears.

Occasionally they’d get updates from Minho and Jisung, but after a while, Hyunjin stopped sharing them with Changbin, who’d just get more and more anxious each time the confirmation that the others hadn’t found him either came.

Once they’d gone through every place that Felix liked going to, they moved on to places he’s expressed interest in going to, and then eventually started aimlessly searching for him. Changbin kept calling him obsessively, only stopping when his calls stopped going through at 5 AM. Even then he would call now and then, on the off chance the phone had been turned back on.

 

Throughout the night they regularly stopped back by the apartment, in case the boy had somehow ended up back home. It was during one of these trips back that Hyunjin positioned himself by the door and refused to let Changbin back out again.

“What the fuck Hyunjin? Let’s go?”

“Bin, we’ve been out looking for _hours_ , and you’re about ready to collapse.”

“You stay then. I’m going.”

“No, I talked to Minho. He’s dragging Jisung back home too. We’re all exhausted, and we have run out of places to look anyways.”

Changbin tried pushing past him again, but the boy simply shoved him back away from the door. He tried a couple of more times, before realizing the other really wasn’t going to budge. “What the hell am I supposed to do then? Just sit here?”

Hyunjin moved away from the door at that, grabbing a hold of his arm before he could try to make a run for it, and dragged him to the couch. “I’m worried too, but there is nothing we can do right now. Neither of us are any good to Felix passed out on the streets.”

Reluctantly Changbin sat down next to Hyunjin, not quite ready to admit just how exhausted he actually was. “I’m fine though.”

“Sure you are.”

They didn’t speak much after that, and eventually, Changbin fell into an uneasy sleep.

  


He woke up to the sound of his phone, instantly diving for it. Disappointment flashed through his mind when he realized it was Jisung and not Felix calling, but he still answered quickly.

Jisung wasted no time cutting to the case. **_“Minho is on the phone with Felix right now.”_ **

“What? Where is he? Why did he call Minho?” He had more questions but was quickly cut of by Jisung.

**_“I don’t know. Minho left the room talking to a friend of his, and when he came back he was talking to Felix. I don’t know where he is, but it sounds like he’s fine. Minho wouldn’t be yelling at him if he wasn’t.”_ **

Relief washed through him and he barely registered Jisung telling him that he’d keep him posted and hanging up on him. Hyunjin, who had likely been woken up by him practically yelling into the phone, sat next to him with a questioning look, but refrained from asking any actual questions. Eventually, Changbin answered them anyway. “Jisung called me to say Minho was talking to Felix. He’s fine.”

Jisung texted him shortly after, telling him that Felix had somehow ended up at Minho’s friend’s apartment last night and that Minho was on his way to pick him up. Before Changbin could ask for any details, Jisung quickly said he didn’t know anything more, as Minho had left in a hurry after finishing the phone call. Changbin had thanked him and put down his phone. He still had a lot of questions, but the most important one had been answered now. At least now he knew Felix was okay.

 

Hyunjin decided to leave the apartment before Felix could come back, as he didn’t want to impose while Changbin tried to figure out what had happened. This meant Changbin had no one to talk to, and he ended up pacing back and forth while he waited. He was still exhausted, as he hadn’t slept much or well after passing out on the couch, but he was certain he wouldn’t be falling back asleep anytime soon.

It took them longer than he thought it would, so by the time the apartment door started opening, Changbin thought he was just about to actually go insane. He had thought he was going to say something when he saw Felix –  ask him what the hell had happened, or why he hadn’t answered his phone, or how he had ended up at Minho’s friend place – but instead he found himself pulling the boy into a hug. He felt the last traces of worry disappear when Felix hugged him back, and it felt like he would finally breathe again.

He met Minho’s eyes over Felix's shoulder and felt his heart stop when he saw worry in them. Why was he still worried? Minho saw the questioning look on his face, and simply mouthed three words turning around to leave. _Talk to him._

So he did. Or he tried too.

All his questions were met with short answers, and it took him longer than he’d like to admit to realize the replies weren’t actually answering his questions at all. He wasn’t sure if Felix was doing it on purpose, or if he was just tired too. So eventually he gave up on trying to get answers to what had happened the night before.

“You hungry?” he asked instead.

“Not really no.”

And Felix hadn’t really answered any of his questions since he came back, but there was a new one now, one that bothered Changbin more than any of the others.

_Why the hell was that the first honest thing Felix had said since he walked through the door?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed the chapter. i still have an exam and a big assignment coming up, so i don't know when the next part will be up. summer vacation is coming up in a couple of weeks, so then i can hopefully write a lot. kudos and comments are always appreciated.
> 
> feel free to come and talk to me on [tumblr](https://noonetofangirlwith.tumblr.com/), i spend way to much time over there, and i am lonely and want friends.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is not a proper length update, just a super tiny mini thing i wrote because my computer crashed and the chapter i was 9/10 done with was deleted.... i'm so sorry. i'm working on writing it again...

Felix always looked peaceful when he slept; all negative emotion washed away from his face; troubles long forgotten. Hair messily sprawled around his head like a halo, breathing steady and slow. He was always hugging on to something – whether it be Changbin, a stuffed animal, or a pillow.

Most nights his face would be neutral, void of any and all expressions, but it was always a happy neutral, a calm one. Other nights there would be a small smile on his lips, corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly in a smile you would miss if you weren’t paying close attention.

 

That night, Felix had one of these smiles, and it felt like a punch to the gut.

Changbin had tried to lay off the topic, to wait for Felix to open up and tell him what had happened on his own terms, but after a couple of hours he had brought it up again. He had been calm about it, paying careful mind to his tone – making sure there was no venom in it; no accusations. He didn’t want to start a fight, he just wanted to help.

He had been met with dismissive answers. Answers meant to end conversations rather than start them.

It was clear Felix was hurting, clear that Changbin had been right to think something was off with him that week, clear that whatever it was had gotten so much worse. The only thing that wasn’t clear to Changbin was why Felix refused to let him help.

At one point Changbin had gotten so frustrated with it all that he had left the apartment. He had told Felix he was going out to buy food.

He’d returned an hour later with burgers and red eyes.

Everything was wrong, hurting, and broken – yet, in his sleep, Felix looked as peaceful as ever. Changbin just didn’t get it. He was exhausted – could feel sleep weighing down on his eyelids, an impending yawn everpresent in his throat – but he knew sleep would be anything but peaceful when it came.

It would be harrowing, plagued by bad thoughts and feelings – the kind of restless sleep that leaves you feeling worse waking up than you did before falling asleep. The kind that brought dreams that weren’t necessarily nightmares, but that were somehow worse because of it.

Eventually, he did fall asleep, dreaming of flowers and trees. And it should have been nice and calming, but Changbin had never wanted to escape a dream quite as much as he did that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, here is a mini update. i'm working on a proper length one too, but just posting this shitty mini one so i have posted something at least. 
> 
> first school ate all my time, then school ended and i had like a week off before working at a camp for a week. in that week i almost finished a chapter for this and one for my other fic + a bunch of unrelated one shots, but my computer crashed and all of it got deleted😭 (i really need to start saving stuff while working on it, rather than just when i'm done with it😓) then i was working 12 hours a day for almost a week, then i got sick, and long story short here i am, still sick and feeling really bad about how little writing i have gotten done this vacation. 
> 
> again, i am so sorry that i've been gone for so long, but i'll be trying to write more now as i get better.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, sorry for the wait!

When Changbin was little, the kids in his neighborhood had become convinced that their mailman was hiding something. They had quickly banded together dead set on figuring out what – convinced that whatever the secret was, it _must_ be something spectacular, that he was probably connected to the mafia – and their ‘investigation’ had begun.

Changbin had quickly lost count of their various theories, never caring much about it. The only time Changbin even came close to joining their little crusade was when a letter Felix said he’d sent got lost. Finding out whatever their mailman was hiding simply wasn’t on the list of his priorities. Why should he care if their mailman was mafia – he’d still gotten the Pokémon cards he’d ordered.

The mailman, like everyone, was allowed secrets. Secrets weren’t his to know, not unless someone decided to share theirs with him.

Changbin had maintained this view on secrets through life. Never really caring much unless it was it involved him. Secrets where everyone’s to have as they pleased, and unless someone was getting hurt, they really weren’t anyone’s business. Besides, most people’s secrets turned out to be boring anyway.

This, of course, meant that Changbin had no clue how to go on about figuring out _anything_ when someone was hiding something, so while he was painfully aware that Felix was hiding something – something major, something that was really bothering him – he had no solution to the problem.  

 

Over the next couple of days, Changbin felt as if Felix was still missing. The younger boy seemed to take every opportunity he got to get out of the apartment – the get away from him. Most days all he’d hear from him was a text telling him he was at Jisung’s, at the movies, at the library – anywhere but with him, anywhere but at home.

Sunday Felix had been gone when Changbin woke up. A brief moment of panic at quickly been replaced by a heavy feeling in his chest once he saw the note on the nightstand; ‘ Went to Jisung’s. Didn’t want to wake you.’ Any other day the note would have been fine. Any other day it would have meant nothing but what was written, but that day all he could see was what hadn’t been;  ‘Went to Jisung’s _to avoid you._ Didn’t want to wake you _cause then I’d have to talk to you.’_

The day was spent with Boyoung watching shitty TV and eating shittier food. Once he called Hyunjin to berate him for prioritizing homework over a lazy day with them. They didn’t talk about the reason Changbin had texted them both to come over in the first place, but he was very aware of the small glances Boyoung sent him every now and then – checking, watching, _worrying_ – and the way Boyoung was less likely to mock him for his stupid comments than she normally was.

He also noticed the poorly hidden glare directed at Felix when he finally returned, before she shuffled out of the apartment with smiling to Changbin, reminding him about something he needed for class the next day, trying her best to act normally.

Changbin and Felix barely spoke to each other before going to bed that night.

 

On Monday Felix didn’t meet up with him for lunch as usual. They hade done it almost every Monday since the start of the year – neither of them had classes in the period after lunch, so they didn’t have to rush – but instead of a text asking where to meet, Changbin had gotten a text saying he was busy studying at the library.

Changbin had spent the time with Hyunjin instead – a little miffed when he said that Boyoung had left campus for a photography project. Hyunjin was complaining about a difficult choreography that he was struggling with, about the girl in his class who had fallen asleep and out of her chair with a thud, about everything except what Changbin knew he wanted to talk about. Cause while Hyunjin was trying to hide it, he was doing it too; worrying.

Changbin opted for throwing pieces of his food at him whenever he caught the worried look on his face, continuing the conversation as if nothing was wrong.

 

Tuesday Changbin came home after his last class to find Jisung in their couch. He tried to ignore the way Jisung froze when he saw him. Tried to ignore the sinking feeling when Felix reentered the room only to mutter some excuse about an English project they had to get done before pulling Jisung out of there in a hurry. Tried to ignore the word that seemed everpresent in Jisung’s eyes as he left _; sorry._

An hour later he’d gotten a text from Felix saying he wouldn’t be home before late. Felix stayed true to his word.

 

On Wednesday came their first real conversation in days. With Changbin tactfully ignoring all subjects he thought might end the conversation early, and Felix never offering any subjects himself, the conversation was pretty empty and didn’t get them anywhere – they talked about none of the stuff they needed to – but it was nice.

It had him happy even when Felix left again right after, and it had him happy all through dinner, which Boyoung had brought along with a plead to help her with some homework – “I know Hyunjin would usually help with this,” she had said at his questioning look, “but he’s eating dinner at his parents tonight.” – and promises of going out to buy him lots of snacks when they were done.

It had him happy the entire night, cause at least when they were talking Changbin could convince himself everything was getting better. He could pretend they eventually would be okay.

 

Thursday Hyunjin was fed up with not talking about it. Sick of pretending that his best friend wasn’t miserable. At lunch, his face turned serious and eyes persistent.  “What’s going on with you and Felix? You have been off since this weekend.”

Changbin knew the look, knew Hyunjin wasn’t going to let it go, knew there was no use dancing around the question. “I don’t know.” He looked down at his hands. “He refuses to talk to me. We talked some yesterday, but then I was so scared of messing it up that I didn’t even bring it up. But then he was the same this morning. Left early even though he only has afternoon classes today.”

Hyunjin took a while to answer, something he often did when he was being serious; when he was trying to be helpful rather than funny. “You know I don’t know how this works. I don’t know if fighting and making up is supposed to be different with soulmates or if it’s the same as for any relationship _._ ”

Changbin had never heard him say the word soulmate or relationship quite like he just had, but he couldn’t pinpoint what was different about it.

“And I certainly can’t give you any advice different from what literally anyone else would have said, and I know it’s not easy, but you _have to_ talk to him.”

Changbin knew he was right, knew he was only saying stuff that Changbin had already known, but he still felt horrible talking about it. “Can we talk about something else now?”

“Yeah of course.”

“So how was dinner with your parents? I swear Boyoung is the dumbest smart person I have ever met. I don’t understand how you haven’t killed her while helping her with homework already.”

The confusion on Hyunjin’s face was brief, but definitely there, and when he answered, his voice sounded strained. “Oh, it was great!”

Too tired to push, Changbin decided to let it go. For now.

 

Friday Boyoung came with the first reasonable idea Changbin had heard all week.

“Why don’t you ask just Minho?”

“Huh?”

“He’s the one who picked Felix up, and Felix was at his friend’s place. He must know _something_.”

And just like that, Changbin felt a little closer to a solution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry again for the wait! i was at the stray kids concert in Berlin (IT WAS AMAZING AND I DIED) and got caught out in the rain while on the way to the concert, so i had a fever for a couple of days, and while i don't have a fever anymore i'm still not a 100% (seriously my immune system SUCKS) so my brain works even slower than usual! anyways hopefully i won't be gone for another millennium before updating again😅
> 
> also yes, boyoung totally exists because i said "friends" while talking about changbin and then went on to realize that i literally can't have him friends with anyone but hyunjin at the start without messing up plotlines for this and possible other connected stories😂 she won't be important, i just felt the need to include her this chapter because, well, i made her exist so i can't just never include her (she might or might not also be vital for the start (and the start only) of one possible plot thing in a possible connected story i'm considering writing)
> 
> feedback always appreciated!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the award for most irregular updates goes to *drumroll* ME! 
> 
> really though, so sorry for the wait

The hallway should have felt familiar. 

Changbin had been there dozens of times, and usually, everything about it screamed familiarity. The dim light from the ever-dying lightbulbs was welcoming, red walls warm, and the almost constant stream of music – somewhat muted but still audible from inside the dance studio – calming. He had never had a problem waiting for dance practice to end, cause the hallway had never been a bad place to wait.

But, that day the hallway felt different. The dim lights were tiring, red walls harsh and distressing, and music distorted. It all felt intimidating and there was a sense of impending dread so strong it was felt almost palpable. 

None of the people that passed him paid him any mind and none of them seemed to be reacting to the unnerving atmosphere. Changbin knew this was because no one else could feel it. It was something he had made up in his head. He wasn’t there waiting for Hyunjin like he usually was - wasn’t waiting for a predictably strange but comfortable conversation with his best friend. He was there to talk to Minho, and he had no clue where the conversation might lead him – if it would lead him anywhere at all.

The hallway was no longer familiar because he had no idea what was to come.

 

Changbin wondered if Minho had been surprised at his text. They had never texted before. They had never actually spent any time together either – not alone at least – and they had certainly never talked. Had it been the other way around he would have been surprised. Had it been Minho who wanted to talk, he wouldn’t have known how to react. Their lives had been entangled through several people for a while now, but they had never taken the time to become friends – not outside a group setting.

Then again, Changbin had no clue how much Minho actually knew. He definitely knew something about what had happened the night Felix disappeared, but beyond that Changbin had no clue what information the older boy might have. He didn’t know if Felix was talking about whatever it was with Jisung – cause whatever Jisung knew, Minho knew by default – or if he was in the dark too.

Maybe Minho knew enough to have been expecting the text. Maybe had been surprised it didn’t come sooner.

Either way, Changbin wished he had replied with more than a place and time to meet; he didn’t like not knowing what to expect.

 

It felt like he had been waiting for an eternity by the time the music finally came to a stop, and people started coming out of the room. None of the dancers paid any attention to him – it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence to see him there – as they passed him, oblivious to the nerves building up inside him for every new person walking out that wasn’t Minho.

He wanted to be done with the conversation. He didn’t want to be in the dark anymore. He wanted to _know._

Minho was one of the last people to come out, quickly followed by Hyunjin, who shot Changbin a look, clearly uncertain if he should be staying or not.  Changbin smiled slightly at him, trying his best to signal he was okay, and Hyunjin was gone.

Once Hyunjin had disappeared, Minho turned to face Changbin properly, a slight look of unease on his face. “I’m assuming you wanted to talk about Felix, right?”

“Yes.” Changbin shifted on his feet, not quite sure how to continue. “When you dropped him off you told me to talk to him, but that… well, it didn’t exactly work.”

“He won’t talk to you about it?”

Changbin shook his head, feeling more and more out of place by the second. He had sort of hoped to skip this part; go right to where Minho told him what he knew. “He’s barely talking to me at all.”

“Shit, really?”

“Yeah.”

Minho started walking, and for a second Changbin thought the older was done with the conversation and leaving. Then the older stopped and looked back. “No use standing around here if we’re gonna talk. You coming or what?”

 

They ended up at the café at the edge of campus, with the pink cups and the purple flowers. It felt like forever since he had last been there, but in reality, it hadn’t been much more than a week and a half. He wondered if whatever was had led Felix into his current state of mind had already been happening then – if he had just been too blind to realize something was seriously wrong.

“So,” Changbin shifted in his seat, deciding to jump straight to the point. “ What happened?”

“The night Felix went missing, he apparently ended up in a park, very drunk and very upset. I don’t really know exactly how he ended up there, or what he was doing before that, but luckily my friend Chan found him on his way home. He passed out shortly after they got to Chan’s, so who knows what would have happened if Chan hadn’t found him.”

Changbin shook his head, trying to push the thought out of his head. “No, I – not what happened that night, I have pieced parts of that together already. I don’t think _those_ are the details that are important.”  When Minho didn’t immediately answer, Changbin continued. “Do you know what happened, what’s wrong?”

“Yes, I do. But I promised Felix not to tell anyone. But –”

“I’m not _anyone_ , I’m his _soulmate._ ”

“Yes, I know, let me finish.” The annoyance on Minho’s face washed away almost instantly, replacing itself with a look Changbin wasn’t sure was sympathy or pity. “He didn’t want me to tell anyone, didn’t want me to tell _you_ , and I’m not gonna break that promise.”

Changbin shifted in his seat, about to protest again.

“ _But_ ,” Minho said, shutting him up with a pointed look. “Chan, my friend, didn’t make that promise. Felix didn’t really tell him anything, but Chan seems to have pieced parts of it together. And I’m guessing some information is better than none?”

“I – I guess.”

“I’m really sorry I can’t just tell you, but I don’t like breaking promises. But I want to help.”

“I guess I shouldn’t have expected this to come easy anyways. How do I get in touch with your friend?”

 

When Changbin left Minho, the only new information he had was a phone number. He had texted it as soon as Minho was out of sight – and almost walked into traffic doing so – not wanting to waste a second.

 

-

 

Hyunjin was usually great at distracting people, and though it sometimes meant hanging out with him when you needed to get something done wasn’t the brightest idea, it made him great to be around when you wanted to get something off your mind.

Changbin wanted to get his mind off his phone; wanted to stop checking for an answer from Chan every five seconds. And as usual, Hyunjin was a great distraction – just for all the wrong reasons.

Usually, it was because he was easy to talk to. Conversation rarely seemed to die out, and he could masterfully move from one subject to another without making it feel forced. Usually, it was because of his weird ideas; because his mind worked in a way that was interesting – because he was fun to be around.

But apparently, the lack of it all was just as distracting.

 

Changbin had texted him immediately after texting Chan, knowing very well he was going to need the distraction, and his friend had been more than willing to comply. He had already been at the apartment by the time Changbin got home – let in by Felix who had left right after – and Changbin had found him on the couch, empty expression on his face, staring into thin air.

Once he had seen Changbin a smile had been plastered on his face. He had started talking, and for a moment Changbin had let himself believe that he had just imagined it. That Hyunjin was just tired, and everything was okay.

Then he stumbled.

Stumbled over his words, creating a weird and unnatural transition between subjects.

Then he faltered.

His smile disappearing for a second, as he hesitated mid-sentence while telling a story from earlier that month.

And then he backed himself into a corner, saying something that contradicted the information Changbin had been given previously.

 

“Wait, I thought you were at your parent’s last Wednesday?”

“Oh.” Hyunjin’s eyes went wide as he realized his mistake. “I meant Thursday, sorry.”

“Thursday you were with me.”

 “I –“

“Please don’t lie to me. I’m sick of secrets.”

At that Hyunjin visibly deflated, all traces of a smile gone from his face. “I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“We just didn’t want to have to deal with this on top of everything else.”

Changbin couldn’t help but notice that Hyunjin was actively looking anywhere but at him, clearly unsure if he should be telling the truth or not.

“Boyoung and I are over. We broke up.”

Changbin wasn’t sure what he had expected, so he had no idea how to react. He was probably supposed to be comforting his friend, or at least say something, but instead, he just sat there with a dumbfounded look on his face.

“She met her soulmate last Saturday. I didn’t tell you because Felix had just come back, and I figured we should let you deal with that first, and then tell you later. I was going to tell you on Sunday, but you still hadn’t sorted it out, so I didn’t. That’s the real reason I didn’t come over when you texted, I didn’t have any homework, I just doubted I could act normal. There was no photography project on Monday either, she left campus to meet up with her soulmate. And dinner with my parent? Didn’t happen. She just needed a reason that she was coming to you for help instead of me.” Hyunjin still hadn’t looked directly at him; eyes busy studying his hands, and nervously picking on his nails.  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“I had no clue, how the hell did I miss this? I’m so sorry.” Changbin pulled him into a hug, not sure what more to say.

“How could you have known? Neither of us told you.”

“What does this mean though?” Changbin pulled away from the hug again. “Like, are you still friends? Or how does this even work?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out together.”

Changbin didn’t even notice when his phone vibrated half an hour later, and he wouldn’t see the text before hours later when Hyunjin left the apartment.

 

_Yeah, Minho said you might be in contact._

_Of course I’ll tell you what I know, hopefully fill  
in some blanks. Help you figure this thing out. _

_I’m at the studio until at least midnight, so if you_  
want to talk today you’ll find me there, if not we’ll  
find time later sometime.

Changbin stared at the address on his screen for quite some time before putting it into his phone, and then he was out the door, closer than ever to figuring it all out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so i found out everything i wanted in this chapter couldn't possibly fit in this chapter without making it hella much longer than the rest of the chapters in this story... so hopefully the end of the chapter didn't seen too unnatural since this isn't where i was initially planning on ending it. hopefully i can get the next chapter (and everything i actually wanted in this chapter) up soon, but school is eating up all my time with assignments and tests and ugh...
> 
> feedback, comments and kudos always appreciated greatly!  
> hope you enjoyed the chapter (and i promise changlix will actually interact with each other again soon 😅😅)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is this? an update that didn't take five years to get here? who would've thought this day would ever come

“I’m assuming you don’t want to waste time with pleasantries?”  

Changbin was still standing awkwardly in the doorway of the studio and had yet to make a single sound, so he wasn’t quite sure how Chan, who was him looking at a computer, had seen him.

“You are Changbin, right?” He asked and spun his chair around to face him. “Minho kinda just described you as ‘short’ so I actually have no idea who I’m waiting for.”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“I was starting to doubt you were going to come today. You the one who was calling Felix so much? His phone wouldn’t stop ringing.”

Changbin just nodded at this, still awkwardly hovering by the door, not quite sure what to do with himself. “Why didn’t you answer it?”

Chan shrugged, gesturing for Changbin to come in and sit in the small, _very_ worn couch that rested against the wall opposite from him. “He seemed almost panicked by the thought of going home, so far all I knew being found by whoever was looking could be the worst thing that could happen to him.”

“That’s fair.”

“Guess it’s about time to get to the point.” There was a beat of silence before Chan spoke again. “So, he was shouting at a tree.”

Changbin wasn’t sure he had heard him right. “What?”

“He was very drunk and shouting at a tree. Most of it was incoherent, but he was very upset and crying, so I brought him back home, cause I was pretty sure he’d get himself into some trouble if I left him there.”

Changbin sighed, putting his head into his hands. He was tired of this. “That’s great and all, but it doesn’t actually help me figure out what is bothering me. It only tells me that Felix apparently yells at plants if he gets too drunk.”

“Yes, I know, sorry. But, uh, you’re soulmates, right?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“You know that sometimes, some people lose their colors, right? I know it happens to Minho sometimes, and it happened to me once back when I first met my soulmate.”

Changbin wasn’t sure if it was what he was saying, or the sharp intake of breath that followed that caught his attention, but he looked up at the older boy, curious to see where he was going with this.

“From what Minho told me, it has happened to Felix before too, right?”

“It has.”

“He was shouting at the trees about not being able to keep its colors. And he straight up flinched looking at my plant the next morning.”

 “No.” Changbin shook his head. “No, that makes no sense. He loses colors when we fight. We hadn’t fought before that.”

“I think that maybe,” Chan’s gave him a sympathetic smile “That maybe that is why it bothered him so much.”

 

“Wait, so this Chan guy thinks Felix lost colors without you fighting that night?”

They were sitting on the floor of Hyunjin’s kitchen, cause the chairs were about as comfortable as they were pretty – as in not at all – eating ramen. It was nearly 3 AM.

“I thought it only happened when you fought though? That would be something new.”

“Yeah, I know, but Minho seemed pretty adamant that Chan had figured something out.” Changbin leaned back against the counter, tired of the conversation – tired of all conversations on the topic – but not ready to stop talking about it. ”And Minho knows what happened, I don’t think he would have sent me to Chan if Chan wasn’t on to something.”

“I still don’t understand why Minho isn’t telling you.”

Changbin shrugged, having already accepted that the older wasn’t going to budge. “I don’t know. Something about not breaking promises.”

“He sure jumped through some loopholes by sending you to Chan though. ‘I promised not to tell, so here’s the number of someone who didn’t make that promise.’ I think he just wants to be difficult.”

“I’m sure he has his reasons.” Changbin didn’t know why he was defending it, as he was growing more and more frustrated with everything by the second. “Wish he didn’t though. Would make everything hell of a lot easier. I need to try to talk to Felix about it again.”

Hyunjin derailed the conversation after that, probably sensing that it wasn’t going anywhere, or doing anything more than frustrating Changbin further. They talked until late at night, eventually both falling asleep on the kitchen floor.

 

Felix was sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast when Changbin came home the next morning. Changbin hadn’t really expected him to be there, and he certainly hadn’t figured out how he wanted to ask about what Chan had told him, but it was hard to know when he’d next get a chance to, so before he had time to really think about, he sat down across from him.

Part of Changbin expected Felix to get up, come with some flimsy excuse, and run out of there, but the boy just smiled slightly at him, at continued eating without a word. Changbin knew bringing it up could ruin that completely, and for a second he considered dropping it altogether.

It took him a couple of minutes to say anything at all. “So, I met Chan last night.”

Felix tensed a little and made an attempt at smiling at him. “Oh?”

“Yeah, I’m glad you ended up with him that night.”

Felix smiled at him again, but it was somehow even more strained than before.

Changbin wasn’t sure how to ease into it, so he decided just to ask. “Had you lost colors, is that why you were so upset? Why you’re being so weird about it?”

The tension in the room was unbelievable, and for a second Changbin wasn’t sure Felix was going to answer him. “N- no, that makes no sense.” Felix shook his head. “We didn’t fight, remember?”

Changbin could tell Felix was closing up and getting defensive, which meant there was some sort of truth to what he had said. “I know. Is that maybe why it bothered you so much?”

Felix just stared at him, tears welling up in his eyes, and Changbin reached out over the table and grabbed his hand.

“Felix, I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me.”

“I’m sorry.” Felix's voice was barely above a whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

Changbin got up and pulled him into a hug. “It’s okay,” he whispered, “I get that it’s scary, but hey, the colors always come back, right? It always got back to normal again.”

The broken ‘yeah’ that came from Felix as he pulled Changbin even closer wasn’t very convincing, and Changbin knew it was something they were going to have to talk more about, but he couldn’t help but feel happy.

Maybe it wasn’t all good yet, but it was definitely better.

 

“I’m glad you two are finally figuring this out. It hasn’t been fun watching you all depressed all the time.”

It was Monday, and Changbin’s first class had been canceled, so he had decided to drag himself to the library to meet Hyunjin, who didn’t have any classes before later. “Yeah, he still wasn’t too happy about talking about it, but at least now I know what happened. He’s not being as weird anymore.”

“That’s awesome.”

“Yeah, and what about you and –“

Hyunjin shook his head. “Haven’t talked to her yet. I’m sure we’ll go back to friends eventually, but it’s just weird right now.”

Changbin could tell he didn’t want to talk any more about it and scrambled to change the subject. “Uh, so your hoodie isn’t red.”

Hyunjin raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I wouldn’t know,” he said with an amused look on his face.

“No, of course not. I just mean, the dance team hoodies are usually red, why is that one gray?”

“I mean most of us can’t even tell the difference. For me, the shade just seemed a little off, but Minho commented on it. Sponsor paid for new ones, and apparently there was some sort of fuck up by the company that made them. We’ll get the red ones in a week or two. You and Felix meeting up for lunch today? Now that it’s less weird?”

Changbin nodded happily and smiled. “We are.”

 

Hyunjin had ended up forgetting his hoodie when he left the library, so Changbin had taken it with him instead, and by the time he met up with Felix for lunch, it had gotten chilly and he was wearing it.

“That hoodie is way too big on you. It’s cute.”

Changbin smiled as Felix grabbed his hand and started walking. “Hyunjin forgot it when we were in the library. So where are we going?”

“I was thinking the café. It feels like I haven’t been there in forever. You should wear red more, it suits you.”

 Changbin stopped dead in his tracks. “What did you just say?”

Felix sent him a confused smile. “That I want to go to the café?”

“Felix.” Changbin felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Felix this is gray.”

Felix smile dropped, and he looked trapped; like he wanted to run away again. “But the dance team hoodie is red. It has always been red.”

“Are you still not seeing color?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, if it was unclear, at changbin found out Felix had lost colors that night at first, not that he still wasn't seeing colors, which is what he realized at the end here. anyways, FINALLY stuff is getting addressed and we're working our way towards resolution here (my friend constantly nagging on me to do so might have helped with that haha, so thanks Nee) and finally communication is happening
> 
> school work really is piling up right now, so don't except me updating so quickly to keep happening, cause i really have no clue how much time i'll have to write, but i'll try to make updates as frequent as i can. 
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading! comments and kudos are always appreciated!


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